It often takes a little hindsight to see things clearly. In the middle of a disaster, there’s no telling what is up, what is down, or even what is supposed to be up or down…it’s just all a swirl of dust and darkness and trying to grab onto something real when all of a sudden reality has abandoned you. That’s how I felt at the beginning of what will be a year of extricating myself from the destruction that I should have seen coming, but didn’t.
Very early on, a friend who can’t be here in person due to living abroad, sent me an e-book and shared her own story of survival. That book was like a beacon, shining light into the dark areas and reassuring me that I had nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, and that I would survive and come out a year later with a whole new lease on life. That year is almost up, and when I look back, I know that my friend gave me a tool to light my way.
A couple of weeks ago, a package arrived for me at work. Well, it arrived at the mail room where I worked two moves ago. It took a while for the package to be forwarded to my new building. I had to sign for it and the mail room in my new building is only staffed a few hours a week. So, I had some time to speculate about exactly who could be sending me something and what it might be. I was pretty sure it was from the same friend who sent me the e-book because she’d sent it to the last address she knew for me…the building where we met and worked together before she left the company for a new opportunity.
Finally, I got my hands on the box and opened it up. Inside was a gift box with a brief note. Indeed it was from the same friend! She had sent me a light, this time a literal rather than figurative one. She explained that she was inspired by my posts about running to get back into it herself. She sent me the light, to be worn like a miner’s light on my head, so that I could keep up my running even as the mornings and evenings were getting too dark to run without a light.
I have put the light to use immediately, running after work a few nights a week. I think it annoys the motorists in the neighborhood, but then again, they clearly see me coming…even if I am shining a bright light in their eyes. When dusk starts to fall, the light doesn’t actually light my way, but is a beacon to others that I am coming. As the darkness deepens, the light becomes more visible to me, lighting the sidewalk ahead of me so that I don’t trip.
I have learned this year that it is ok to ask for help, to rely on others. As I come out of my year of darkness, I find myself ever more joyful and for the first time in a very long time, able to lift my head beyond my own immediate family and my own survival to those around me. I am grateful for my friends and family and looking forward to being a light for someone else.
In many ways, this blog has helped me, focusing me on the joy in my life instead of the sadness. It has also allowed me to be a light to others, some of whom I don’t know, by inspiring them to get out and run…whether to try the Couch to 5k program or to up their game to a 10k or even a half-marathon. I’m not sure exactly how I will transform this blog next month when I reach my fiftieth birthday, but I know I will keep on writing.
Find the Joy in the Journey…Be a light for others and let others light your way!
Laura's Adventures After 50! 