The Courage to Start Over Again

I find myself “back at square one” when it comes to my fitness goals. After a year of limited ability to exercise, followed by surgery, followed by recovery, I find myself with the ok to exercise from my doctor and no motivation to do so. I did go out one day and I ran three miles. I felt as if it were a half-marathon and that I was under-prepared. I was sore for four days afterward. Apparently I’m not ready for that and need to start slower.

Dejected and unmotivated, I decided to re-read my blog to see how I was able to get started the last time. Not only did I find my initial posts motivational, I found that I have left a record that, if not beneficial to anyone else, is a goldmine for me.  I struggled just as much back then just to get started walking on my treadmill. The difference is that I know just how far I got from that humble start. I need to do it again, and I need to find the courage to do it. I think I just did.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling that I already did this and shouldn’t have to do it again (the “poor me” trap), or the trap of thinking that I am just not the fitness “type”, or the trap that it just doesn’t matter. I do have to do it all again, but hopefully this time I will learn from past lessons and not get discouraged or take too many false steps.

I am the fitness type, because I’ve been fit and I loved it. I learned this late in life, not having been much of an athlete as a child. I learned that strength training makes me more stable…more graceful (I was never a graceful child). Running, eventually, makes me feel healthy and energized…at least the shorter runs do. The longer runs make me feel powerful in a whole different way…conquering my fears and proving to myself that I can do it.

It does matter. Being fit and healthy is a gift that only I can give myself and one that will extend my life and enhance my quality of life as I get older. It matters because it makes me better at all I do, provides me with endurance, energy, and perspective. It gives me confidence. I was getting used to the words, “I am a long-distance runner”, now I’ve removed all my “13.1” magnets from my car because they made me feel like a fraud. I earned them with blood (not much), sweat (a whole lot), and a few tears.

It won’t be easy, but what worthwhile goal ever is? I have new commitments that will make it harder for me to find time for fitness, but I’m used to scheduling challenges. I have my own, personal record of how to get to my goals, and I will…

Find the Joy in the Journey!

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2 thoughts on “The Courage to Start Over Again

  1. Laura, you have just inspired me to get my butt to the gym, where I’ve had a membership for many years, but often never go. In this awkward, confusing, life altering time of menapause, I don’t feel myself anymore…i was always a goal orientated person who set goals and accomplished those goals on a regular basis. Now, I often just want to go home and relax, watch whatever movie is on that night and have dinner. The though of exercising after work feels overwhelming to me. The menapause weight gain along with my recent diagnosis of “Dyssynergia” from U of M Hospital has me staying home now on the weekends, unable to get out with friends like I use to, because my stomach gets so bloated, I can barely fit into anything. I’m hoping for a miracle and praying they can help me, since the numerous other “specialists” could not. The next journey is physical therapy for the Dyssynergia, which should be very interesting/embarrasing, but I can handle it. At the end of the day, it’s up to me start exercising again, to help with my weight gain and also to hopefully “get things moving along” again. lol. Thanks again the motivation.

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