How Do You Find The Forest When You Are Surrounded By Trees?

Well, it’s just about the end of the month which means I should be doing a month-end review of how I’m faring versus my objectives for the year. I should be looking at my month-by-month objectives and measuring my progress; I should be looking over my stretch objectives and seeing if I’ve kept forward progress on them. Screw that. The year is flying by un-beholden to me and I’m sure I’m doing some things well and falling woefully behind on others. These days I’m just hanging on for the ride.

Lately I’ve been tortured over why I’m getting “nothing” done these days when I was doing so well last summer. I am exactly, thanks to it being a leap year to make everything all “even”, 11 months into my 50 by 50, which I started on May 29, 2011. Last summer I read more, did more home improvement projects, wrote more thoughtful posts, exercised daily, and spent more time with my family, husband, and girlfriends. In short, I was making inroads!

Now, I’m struggling. I’m not working out. Not losing weight (gaining, yes, losing, no). I’m barely reading, hardly see my gal pals, and my house is a mess! What gives? I took a much needed family vacation a few weeks ago and that helped a bit…but not as much as I’d expected. It was wonderful to get away from work, from the house, and spend lots of time with my family.  It was wonderful! Then I came home to being behind in my job and behind at home.

It’s taken the last few weeks of reflection to finally figure out my misconceptions. It’s probably obvious to even the most casual of observers, but I have lost my vision of the forest because I’m struggling through the trees. I have finally stepped back far enough, though to see the forest. And what I see is that when my children need more of my attention, I have less time for myself. And when I have less time for myself, I fall into a negative spiral of care for myself. Being able to see this gives me the perspective that I need.

There will always be times when my family’s needs are paramount, but I still need to take care of myself so that I can take care of them. It is like the advice which we all get whenever we fly; when the oxygen masks drop, put one on yourself first and only then turn to help the others around you. It’s not that I’m being a martyr, it’s just that when I get caught up in spring sports or college planning or other things related to my children, I seem to run out of time for fitness. It’s really just an excuse. If I get up and exercise every day, I know that I can still fit those other things in to my day.

Last year, when I started this grand adventure, I was coming off of a month of incredible stress for both the good and the bad things in life. Then I moved on to the summer when I had more time for myself than other times during the year…especially in late summer and all through the fall. I wrote and read and spent time with friends, I worked out on my treadmill and fixed up my house, and ran/walked a 5k! Then everything fell apart. In retrospect, the change came with the confluence of the holidays and winter sports and the “busy season” at work.

So, seeing things in a new light, I will be nicer to myself. I look ahead to a very busy May (albeit hopefully with only good stress this year) and an unusually busy July…and I will adjust my expectations accordingly. After all, the “busy” things are also wonderful milestones that I want to savor and celebrate!

Before I turn fifty I will celebrate my 30^th high school reunion, see my nephew and his fiancé graduate from college, go on a 26^th wedding anniversary trip (would have been 25^th, but some things just don’t fall neatly into a schedule), see my older daughter graduate from high school, see my niece graduate from medical school, celebrate the marriage of my nephew, see my daughter off to college, celebrate my 25^th graduate school reunion, plus all of the birthdays, Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings, and other annual celebrations.

Find the Joy in the Journey! There is so much to celebrate, I am very blessed.