Oops, I Raised Good Kids Afterall!

The other night I was inspired by youthful enthusiasm for such important values as Scholarship, Leadership, Character, and Service. Not only were the young adults enthusiastic about these values, they exemplify them to the extent that they were chosen for election into the National Honor Society (NHS). It reminded me a little of my younger daughter’s end-of-year Girl Scouts ceremony last year which I wrote about in my post, Memories. I am grateful that these organizations exist and that adults in the lives of these students are enthusiastically supporting their efforts by demonstrating the same values.

My husband and I sat there watching as our older daughter received her special cord, knotted in a particular way, down her back. I know I don’t have a cord like that, although I’m pretty sure I have a pin in my jewelry box received during my induction. My husband, well, whatever he got is lost to posterity. As we listened to the pledge, I felt that connection again, to something in my upbringing now coming to fruition in my child. As a parent, we all struggle to raise our children to be good citizens and empathetic to those around them, to work hard, and serve their communities. But sometimes in the throes of things, we delve to instinct…In seeing my daughter up on stage I realized that no matter how many mistakes I’ve made, I must have instinctively kept the right balance and given her a good-enough role model to follow.

I involve my children in activities when they are young that support my values, but by high school those values either “take” or they don’t. The invitation to apply to NHS depends on grade point average, but acceptance depends on all the things the young person has done on their own in high school that exemplify the values of NHS. There’s no free pass. There are many kids who get good grades, or display leadership, or serve others tirelessly, or exemplify character in other ways, but in order to get in to NHS, you have to demonstrate them all. Mom and Dad can’t do it for you.

This makes me very grateful to my parents for bringing me up well. They held the reins on me a bit too closely at times and maybe a tiny bit too loosely at others, but they did their best as do I. I’ve tried to consciously give my children freedom to learn and grow, and to make mistakes in a safe environment. Soon enough they will be on their own.

I once wrote about practicing my empty nest in Pre-Empty Nest Syndrome, but that was a lie. That was a sabbatical! In real life, I know the empty nest will be a painful growth process for me. I have already started letting go of my son and know that being a parent is a lifetime job…you never stop feeling responsible, but you have to let go anyway. The freedom I felt last summer was a “safe” freedom since I knew that the kids were not really on their own, but I was.

For my daughter, there is still a little over a year left of high school. She recited this pledge with the others and I know she will continue to make us proud and represent her school well:

I pledge myself

Always to seek the light of truth,

To hold scholarly habits,

To engage in worthy services,

And to lead forward in all things

That shall advance the welfare of the school.

I pledge myself to uphold the high purpose

Of the National Honor Society

To which I have been elected,

Striving in every way,

By word and by deed,

To make its ideals

The ideals of my school,

And my life.

Those ideals are: Scholarship, character, Leadership, and Service. Not a bad place to start!

Find the Joy in the Journey…sometimes it catches up with you when you aren’t paying attention!