So, I haven’t written much lately, even though my mind is as active as ever with blog ideas. I struggle to decipher what has changed in my life…I am under a lot of stress, the kind that isn’t easily dispersed or even explained. But then I look back to a year ago and, well, I had similar things going on in my life. A year ago, I was lamenting that my hair had been falling out, my nails thinning, my eyelashes non-existent…all signs of stress. Today, my hair is luminous, my nails strong as, well, nails! My eyelashes are back in full-force. So, despite suffering the same or worse stress today than a year ago, my body is telling me that things are going to be ok. So, why am I seemingly unable to manage my life as well as I did when I was under the kind of stress that caused my body to rebel?
A year ago I was publishing my blog every other day. I was heavy into the Hal Higdon Half-Marathon training. I was doing my thing, reading, writing, and running. I was on top of my children’s lives, sending my middle child off to her first year of college, letting go of my oldest to try a year of independence with no guarantees, and supporting my youngest in exploring her world before she started high school.
Looking back, I don’t know how I did it. I don’t know how to “do it” now…But I know that I want to. I want to engage with people who are important to me in my current life and to re-connect with those I’ve lost touch with. I’m willing to reach out with no guarantee of return…to put myself out there. I want to re-connect with lost opportunities. Sometimes I look back, and Facebook is a prime conduit, to people I didn’t know well back in the day. It may seem counter-intuitive, but I shared so many things with the people I grew up with. To me it is not important whether or not we were friends or enemies or just indifferent to one another. What matters now is that we went through the same experiences together.
If you were in my Kindergarten class and remember passing the jar of whole milk around the circle for a half hour until we learned, by experience, that we had made butter. If you were in my first grade class and watched our teacher open an egg every week to share the wonders of chicken growth (now I wonder at the barbarism, but I sure learned a lot). If you were in my fourth grade class where I took home the baby gerbils from the class gerbil couple only to have my cat eat them. If you were in my sixth grade class where I learned absolutely nothing and got straight A’s the quarter I spent at home being ill and then pretending to be ill beyond all reason.
If you were my classmate back then, then maybe you know more about me than I recognize in myself. Maybe I observed some things about you that you lost track of. I don’t know All I know is that I lived a life. I lived it with you. We fought, dirty and fair. We lived, despite our differences. We loved and lost. We did it apart, but together. Like family, you were there…for me or against. Does it matter anymore? Together we have a shared history and today I honor that.
Find the Joy in the Journey…and the recognition of the value of friends, classmates…everyone who witnessed our growth.